“Expectations kill relationships.” I read it in my most recent chapter of One Thousand Gifts. As I read it, I thought to myself, “If that’s true…well…huh.” Deep thoughts, right? But there was so much in those three words, so much to think about. So much that would be affected by them. It really took me a while to wrap my brain around it.
As I have processed the statement, however, I’ve become convinced that it is true. For instance, when I am most frustrated with the kids, what does it boil down to? Typically, it’s a failure to live up to my expectations. Jenna gets a lot of this, being the oldest. But it’s true for all of them. Whether it’s a spill or setback of some kind that effects the schedule for the day or simply forgetting math facts that I know they can remember…I expect things to go a certain way, and when they don’t, I am frustrated, and in my frustration, I kill that moment rather than redeeming it.
Or what about marriage? If I expect that my husband will spontaneously think of buying flowers or some other special gift, if/when he doesn’t, I become upset and frustrated with him for not doing something he didn’t even know was on my radar. It’s unfair and unrealistic. What expectations of his have I completely dropped the ball on, I wonder?
Expectations of self can be destructive, too, can’t they? Expecting myself to be more than I am, expecting myself to be different than I am – both lead to sinful and destructive thinking based on a foundation of pride, really.
But the Big One, expectations of God, took some thinking. Of course we can always expect God will be good. He is good, after all. We don’t always choose to recognize His goodness. Sometimes it’s hard to experience something and still say, “God is good.” It’s easy to look at circumstances and question the goodness of His plan. But I think it’s important to remember that His goodness spans all time and all places. I tend to look at circumstances that I know, and no matter how “global” I think my vision is, I can never have vision and understanding like He has. It would be like looking through a camera lens that was very focused on something small, like this:
When the whole picture contains much more than we can see in that focused frame. Like this:
The first frame is so focused, it’s easy to see the smeared cheese puff residue. But the same picture, zoomed out a little, gives a more balanced idea of reality. I think it’s the same with the goodness of God. As we zoom in, we lose perspective, but if we can zoom out, if we can believe that God is good, no matter what is going on,then we stop expecting God to behave in a certain way, and we can replace expectation with remembrance. God has commanded us to remember. He told the Israelites to set up milestones – to help them remember what He has done for them. He commands us when we take the Lord’s Supper (Or whenever we eat, really) to Remember. This do in remembrance of me. Not in expectation. Remembrance.
When I make a point to remember His goodness, His faithfulness, His provision, His mercy, etc., it builds a bridge for faith to drive over. My faith weakens every time I choose to expect – to say that I know what His goodness should look like. But my faith will grow if I choose to remember what His goodness has looked like up till now.
Great explanation about the difference between remembering and expecting when it comes to God’s promises. We recently saw some videos from a marriage seminar that talked about the destructive nature of expectations. There was quite a lively discussion among the class members about whether some expectations are good or if they are all bad.