If faith is keeping my eyes on Christ, trusting and believing that He has truly provided everything I need for life and Godliness, then what place do fear and anxiety play in my life? If my eyes are on Christ, what have I to fear? Yet, I am a control freak. I like to keep as much under my control as possible. I don’t like surprises, and I don’t like going into situations where the outcome is up in the air. Even though I tend to fly by the seat of my pants, and I think it appears that I do that a lot more than I actually do, I tend to fly only into situations I am familiar with, or into things I’m pretty sure I can maintain control of. That doesn’t exactly sound like trust to me…and it sure isn’t evidence of keeping my eyes on my Saviour. In my recent reading, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, I have been challenged to really look at my life – my thought life, my emotional life, my physical life – and assess myself in the area of trusting God.
It’s so easy to say something like, “We’ll just trust God for the outcome!”, yet as I look at myself, I know that I have, without really realizing it, set limits on what, precisely, I’m willing to say that about. The hard things – the things that I am personally invested in, I’m not nearly as free to say it. For instance, when I lose my patience with the kids, I am learning that this is evidence of my eyes on myself. If I’m frustrated that they are disobeying, my focus is on the fact that I have been wronged, and I’m mad about it – it is hard to react with trust that God is working in our family, and my role is to trust Him first. John 6:29 tells me that, basically, if I get nothing on my long to-do list done, but I trust God, I’ve had a successful day. Conversely, if I get everything done on my to-do list, but don’t trust God…then the USS Kendi has plowed through another day, and probably left a violent and destructive wake behind. ”The work of God is to trust and believe in the One He has sent.” I must trust Him. For everything, in all situations. Not just salvation from sin. But salvation from fear, from anxiety, from self-trust, from self-sufficiency and self-dependence. Salvation from self-righteousness. Salvation from self-importance. Salvation from pride.
Bringing these two things together – this enormous task of raising children and the work of trusting God in all things - is not easy. I wonder what it looks like, and like I said in my last post, I am tempted to call someone and ask, “What should I do? Can I have a checklist to make sure I do it all right?”. But that’s not the way it works. I must keep my eyes on the Lord…keep the eyes of my mouth, the eyes of my hands, the eyes of my heart on the One Who has already provided all I need. I need those faith-eyes that aren’t distracted by wanting to impress the people around me. I long for those faith-eyes that follow, unquestioning, the path He marks out for me (even if people think I’m crazy). And I am thankful for His never-ending patience. In my failure, He teaches me, and draws me back to Himself.
Can I just hug you? I miss you so much! This was a great post. Thank you!